Good things come in small packages, and Simmons Bar is the kind of micro-club that makes planning a night out a dream come true (at least for those of us who hate planning a night out).

It’s wall-to-wall kitsch-chic here, with the result of a cross between a Dia de Los Muertos celebration and a scene from Twin Peaks, adorned with Ebay antiques your grandmother found. (Think glittery skulls, red upholstery and chintz ceramics.)

And, unlike so many central London venues, Simmons understands versatility.

Simmons is famous for its cozy perimeter and kitschy interiorsSimmons is famous for its cozy perimeter and kitschy interiors — Photo courtesy of Simmons Bar

See, Simmons functions as a low-key bar during the week. Then on weekends, it stays open till 3 a.m. This is no easy feat, as London licensing laws are notoriously tricky, and London newbies can often be put off by their newfound pub-love having to end at 11 p.m., even on weekends. 

That’s why Simmons’ King’s Cross location, on newly reinvigorated Caledonian Road, is ideal for a night of impromptu debauchery, especially if your train’s just pulled in from out of town.

Be warned that their espresso martinis are lethal, and their signature cocktails can come in teapots, prohibition style. They can be yours for £15.

Or slurp down a poetically named Sex with a Lad for £7.50 or an £8.50 Henrietta Fizz, made of fresh strawberries, strawberry puree, vodka, a bit of lemon and a splash of Prosecco.

Its cheeky cocktails come in teacups, teapots and even crystal skullsIts cheeky cocktails come in teacups, teapots and even crystal skulls — Photo courtesy of Simmons Bar

And if you’ve truly got nowhere to be the following morning, shell out £25 for a Punch in the Head.

“Under normal circumstances, it’s probably not the best idea to ask for a punch in the head,” Simmons’ menu states. “But golden rum, overproof rum, pineapple juice, orange juice and grenadine make it somewhat worth the risk . . .”

Simmons lends itself to the kind of night out that requires no planning. It doesn’t announce its club presence from the outside, so that entering through its inconspicuous doors to a room full of teapot-cocktails, dancing bodies and friendly DJs is like stumbling down a rabbit hole.

Their King’s Cross location now offers live music on Sundays from Match Factory band Cover Up, and there’s live comedy each Tuesday.

Pile in after a night at the neighboring Invisible Dot, or head to Tower Bridge to check out their newest location. It’s the perfect way to finish off a long work week, and the crowd will welcome you in everything from fancy to low-budget office attire.

Rarely are London late-night venues such a crossroads of the city’s inhabitants, united in no-fuss, friendly energy; cheesy hip-hop beats; and the spirit of tipsy discovery.

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